Letters To Self

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All your childhood, you waited for this phase of life. It always seemed like the coolest, most glamorous time. Filled with love and laughter.

Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but. It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts, overflowing laundry bags and cheap take outs. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. Not quiet how you imagined it to be.

Different people are doing different things.

Your best friend is killing it with success. Your old classmate is getting married. Your ex is happy in love. Your old friend is drowning in alcohol. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just here – getting through your days a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all; petrified and wrapped in a blanket of confusion.

You spend time adding clothes to cart but never place the order because you’re too responsible to spend all that money in one go. Too careful and not vulnerable enough to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. You feel lost more often than not and wonder where you went wrong. Why are you stuck while others aren’t.

Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Is there a reason why it is never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Unsuccessful? Alone? Filled with dreams that might never come true? It’s a malicious mind space to be in.

Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe sometimes the best you can do is breathe and believe. We’ve all been vulnerable. Texted the wrong person. Made that call. Messed up an important interview. Felt the green monster towards a friend in love. Envied the successful friend.

Sometimes it takes serious effort to not hate oneself. To not think too low of oneself. There is so much left to do. A world filled with life is waiting to happen. Books to be read, steps to be taken, places to visit. There is so much ahead. And in ten years you will look back, and wish you were here again.

This time is too precious to waste wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Do simple things. Stop procrastinating, take a walk with the nature, go to the gym, read your favourite book for the millionth time, watch a movie, sketch more – a little better than the last time. Get out of your head and enjoy the small pleasures of life. Let your life revolve around you. Wake up with a smile and let go of the worries. Make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

It’s only mid-20s.

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