What do you do when the people who mattered are not there anymore? Life did what it does and pulled you apart and here you are trying to understand what went wrong. In most cases, it’s a little more difficult for one of them, and my sympathies lies with that one. Cause I have been on that side and it’s not pretty.
It’s somewhere on the lines of unrequited love, only here it’s unrequited friendship. And it’s a lot more painful. You keep trying to connect, to keep it together, to keep the bond alive but if only it was a one man show and didn’t take two to keep the bond afloat.
It’s almost like you can see the end nearing when all your requests are met with a hesitant no, or the quintessential I’m busy. The battle is lost when the conversation comes down to showing who is doing better and who has it all figured out. You stop connecting and start competing. And the moment this realisation dawns, you know what was once a bond, is now an obligation.
It’s a slow death that takes its own sweet time. You keep trying, they keep trying. No one ever talks about it or addresses the thorn that is hurting both. After a point you just get used to the pricking sensation instead of plucking the damn thing out. It’s then when you know that it is over, that it’ll never be the same again; and that illusion that you too have a best friend was life playing another sick prank with you. You realise this when you’re sitting in your room alone with a wish to talk and no one to talk to.
I too lost a friend and that feeling is difficult to put into words. It’s like a huge chunk of me died. It’s a loss in belief — the belief that there will always be someone to go back to, someone to talk to, that life isn’t all that bad because you managed to find this friend. Life in its true essence is lonely. The only constant is you with a fleet of people that come and go. At some point you accept this reality and maybe then the absence starts hurting less.