Honest Cover Letter

To whom it may concern:

As a person who has worked in two offices and few bullshitty freelance gigs – most of which were super dull, underpaid and clearly could have been done by anyone with a simple skill to read. I’m clearly not qualified for this position and I can guarantee there are applicants who are far more legitimate than I am. I understand applying for this position is a long shot considering I’m not qualified for it and I don’t really want the position. But since robbing a bank a too dangerous and there are bills to be paid, I don’t have much of a choice but to get myself a job.

Capitalising on the fact that I can use the internet better than old people, I hope to find a position in your company that pays me more than I need, will allow me to not interact with other employees and will let me ‘fake-work’. I’m also hoping you will send me on all-expense paid trips to cool places like Europe for “work purposes”. With this goal in mind, I have attached my resume detailing my qualifications. 

Below are some characteristics that I believe are significant and also trying to pass off as relevant to this position:

  • I’m terrible working in offices. In my experience so far in the past two offices I was advised to work on my ”fake smile”.
  • I have a tendency to get really drunk at office functions. I mean I avoid such functions, but if I were to attend, I’m sure I’d be the one most drunk.
  • I generally grow to resent all my coworkers.
  • I might come across as a bright candidate with a lot of young, fresh and interesting ideas. But trust me – they’ll all run out and in no time you’ll see my mediocrity shine through.
  • I have absolutely no experience doing anything that the position requires. I “think” I can pull it off but it’s a shot in the dark to be honest.
  • I have no idea what half your job description means. If you have a lie detector in the interview room, that thing would start beeping the moment I’d enter the building, i.e, if you call me for an interview.
  • I’m requesting you to give me this job. I’m tired of making pennies working in the junior position. Just let me out of this fucking entry level position.

Going by everything I mentioned and based on my credentials, I’m certain you will not hire me. Truthfully, I’m just hoping to bullshit my way in to in and get at least 5 paycheques before you guys figure out that I have no idea what I’m doing. Also, the money of the rent would help me get by for the next two months until I find something else to bullshit my way through.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to meeting with you.

Warm regards,
Why bother, you’ll probably never remember it

Delegation vs Leverage

I was watching a Tony Robbins video the other day where he mentioned having a team of people with whom he works. Not having a team of people who works for him. Slight twist of words but significant difference between the two.

In my small span of career so far, I’ve met people who strongly believe in delegating. They write an email about a task with a follow-up on the given deadline. There is no real support. It’s more like they take responsibility of the desired result but not of the required action.

It was one of those topics that sparked my interest. So I started reading up on it and this is what I’ve understood.

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Delegation is taking a result or action you’re responsible for and giving it to someone else. You’re delegating the entire responsibility on a hope and a prayer it will actually get done, and get done right. In case it doesn’t the blame is on the person who was supposed to do the work.

Leverage, on the other hand is working with another individual to produce a result or action. The other individual may do most, or even all of the work, but you’re actively involved by clarifying the outcome needed, checking in from time to time and helping solve challenges that may come up along the way. You’re leveraging the work, but you’re maintaining responsibility and ownership of the result you’re after.

One makes you feel like a team player and the other makes you feel like a mere worker. Such a simple difference, but choosing one over the other makes all the difference.

The Girl Who Drinks Whiskey

A lot can be understood about people by the choice of their drink.

You’ve got your wine drinkers, twirling their glasses, looking all fancy, mostly judging everybody around them. Then you’ve got your beer drinkers, the cool fun gang. You’ve got your vodka and tequila drinkers, busting shots, with the only aim to get high.

And then there are whiskey drinkers. If you’re a whiskey drinker chances are you will be presumed as an old stuck up fella who sits alone, and smokes packs of Marlboro Reds.

This is where I disagree. Sure, whiskey might be the most masculine choice at bars, but it doesn’t mean it’s out of bound for the ladies. In fact, women who like whiskey are pretty awesome and incredibly desirable (well, for some men at least). I once overheard a gentleman in a bar say, “There’s just something hot about watching a chick throw back shots of whiskey with a purpose.” (Not making this up)

The woman who drinks whiskey can hold her liquor. If you want someone who takes down shots and lose her senses then stay away from the whiskey woman. However, if you’re looking for a good evening, you’ll want a girl who can hold her liquor. And if she is ordering neat, you’re in for a good night.

If her drinking habits are any reflection of the rest of her habits, then this woman doesn’t like half-ass things. For her, weekend is the time to let her hair down and relax (with or without a good company). She isn’t one to go to a bar, get drunk and sulk about her problems.

Just like whiskey has a mature, aged flavour, so does a whiskey drinker. This woman is mature, and drinks to enjoy alcohol. She’s not the one to laugh her ass off at silly jokes. Instead she is looking for either a mature company or no company.

She doesn’t just drink whiskey because it’s going to get her drunk faster or because she has anything she’s trying to prove. She genuinely appreciates alcohol in general, and the prominence and class of whiskey have sparked her interest. Sure, she could throw back shots of cheap vodka, but simply getting pissy drunk is far from her motive. She sips slow.
She’s not a people person. She’s a whiskey person.

She is emotional. She is in touch with her feelings and is honest about them. While she may come across as apathetic to majority of the banking – once you get to know her, you realise just how passionate she is.

She is also a badass. Not in a motorcycle rider or bass guitar player kind of way. But, judging by the bourbon on the rocks she’s clutching, she probably has a little wild streak that not everyone knows about.

Mumbai Meri Jaan? Nope.

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Disclaimer: The contents of this post are my personal views. I do not hate Mumbai. I do in fact love it  (sometimes I hate that I love it so much). If this happens to offend you or the Mumbai lover in you, then I’m sorry. The reason I’ve chosen Mumbai is because I’ve lived most of my life here.

Since the longest time I have despised Mumbai and have always looked for opportunities to escape it. In the past 6 years, I got serious about it and managed to escape twice. However, due to my bad luck or black magic or some curse I had to come back and endure it. I have tried to be grateful. However, every time someone says Mumbai Meri Jaan, while thousands around me get an orgasm, I feel nothing.

Sure, this city is great and filled with opportunities… and people. However, I’m more of a quality over quantity person. Mark Manson said (not in these exact words), “instead of asking yourself what your passion is, ask yourself what are you willing to struggle for”. And I was willing to compromise on family, friends, familiarity and move to a different country and start a new life. In fact, I did it twice. I’m not claiming that it was all smiles but I was happier there than I will ever be here.

Let me explain.

People
Not all Indians go abroad and the ones who do, most of them behave in a certain manner that is appropriate. They are sensible and easy to have a conversation with. Recently, some of my colleagues here in Mumbai saw a video of Vin Diesel at the airport being called out names by his hosts (us Indians). People were calling him “DEJAL” and “Abe Takle”. To me, this is shameful and there is nothing funny about it. However, my colleagues found it amusing, played it 10 times and laughed harder every time. Explains it all.

Women’s Safety
I agree I have only lived in two other countries so far in my life, but I have felt safe in both those countries. My clothes or the time of the day or night did not ever put me in a dangerous situation. I was never harassed or eve-teased every time I stepped out. No man tried to brush his hands to any part of my body and nobody stared at me in a disgusting manner. Never in those countries have I felt conscious about my clothes or felt uncomfortable when out. Not the case in my home country. There hasn’t been a day when I’ve been out and not been uncomfortable.  And this frustrates me.

The Standard of Living
When abroad, I was making decent money, living in decent houses, shared by good, clean people, the surrounding and building were clean and everybody did their bit to maintain it. The rents did not cost a bomb and even places that were a bit cheap did not make life miserable because of the kind of people that lived there. I didn’t feel like I was being ripped off every time I went for a coffee or shopping. INR 500 for a coffee = Rip Off.

The Place
Imagine this (most of you must have experienced it): You walk out, cars are driving smoothly in their respective lanes, you have a sidewalk to walk on, people are crossing only at specific crossings. No honking, clean roads, fresh air, minimum noise. The station for local transport are so well organized that nobody is banging into each other (intentionally nor unintentionally). Everything is systematic and your commute is comfortable.

Now imagine the absolute opposite: waking up to loud honking, stepping out and struggling to walk, stations crammed wth people with one lady standing right in the middle of the bridge obstructing everyone because. Not only do you have less space to walk, you also have to consider not putting your feet into tobacco spit, cow dung, trash while simultaneously avoiding creeps who are trying to rub their shoulders against yours.

Getting Things Done In General
Those countries don’t just talk about digital, they have adopted it. From booking a doctor’s appointment to getting important government related jobs done, the task can be done with a few clicks that avoid a lot of mental frustration and stress. Even if you have to make a personal visit, it is not stressful. I do not have to keep aside an entire day. People are not rude; they are in fact considerate. I’m not tossed around from one desk to another and there are always solutions to problems where I don’t have to go back every time.

Yes, I’m aware and I understand that we are a developing nation, that India is a huge country, that a major percentage of our population is under the poverty line. I get it. We are doing a lot to improve the nation and it requires doing things instead of complaining. If you are one of those who chooses to stay here, do their bit and help the economy then kudos to you. You are doing what I can’t and don’t want to.

Letters To Self

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All your childhood, you waited for this phase of life. It always seemed like the coolest, most glamorous time. Filled with love and laughter.

Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but. It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts, overflowing laundry bags and cheap take outs. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. Not quiet how you imagined it to be.

Different people are doing different things.

Your best friend is killing it with success. Your old classmate is getting married. Your ex is happy in love. Your old friend is drowning in alcohol. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just here – getting through your days a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all; petrified and wrapped in a blanket of confusion.

You spend time adding clothes to cart but never place the order because you’re too responsible to spend all that money in one go. Too careful and not vulnerable enough to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. You feel lost more often than not and wonder where you went wrong. Why are you stuck while others aren’t.

Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Is there a reason why it is never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Unsuccessful? Alone? Filled with dreams that might never come true? It’s a malicious mind space to be in.

Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe sometimes the best you can do is breathe and believe. We’ve all been vulnerable. Texted the wrong person. Made that call. Messed up an important interview. Felt the green monster towards a friend in love. Envied the successful friend.

Sometimes it takes serious effort to not hate oneself. To not think too low of oneself. There is so much left to do. A world filled with life is waiting to happen. Books to be read, steps to be taken, places to visit. There is so much ahead. And in ten years you will look back, and wish you were here again.

This time is too precious to waste wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Do simple things. Stop procrastinating, take a walk with the nature, go to the gym, read your favourite book for the millionth time, watch a movie, sketch more – a little better than the last time. Get out of your head and enjoy the small pleasures of life. Let your life revolve around you. Wake up with a smile and let go of the worries. Make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

It’s only mid-20s.

Friendship

rare-animal-friendship-gray-wolf-brown-bear-lassi-rautiainen-finland-91People walk around today calling everyone their best friend.

The term doesn’t have any real meaning anymore. Mere acquaintances are lavished with hugs and kisses upon a second or at most third meeting.

Birthday cards get passed around offices so everybody can scribble a snippet of sentimentality for a colleague they’ve barely met.

And everyone just loves everyone. As a result, when you tell somebody you love them today, it isn’t much heard. 

-Alan Shore

Distance

It happens. Today it’ll all seem fine. Tomorrow you’ll grow apart. Friends will no longer be friends. Partners will walk hand in hand until their fingers no longer intertwine.

The kiss that once meant weak knees and racing heart will no longer taste like sweet love but more like bitter goodbyes.

The ones to whom you once poured your heart out to will seem like strangers. An unpleasant silence is all you’ll have to offer when you see them again. When your words will lose their way.

You’ll spend your days and nights staring into nothing, wondering what caused this distance, this black abyss between you. And more often than not it won’t be an argument that tore you apart but life itself. It’s you. It’s them. And it’s time.

You changed. You grew up. You realised your importance. You moved on. And they did too.

Things that once used to mean the world are now just photos hiding away in some corner. People that used to make you feel like you could climb the highest mountain now make you feel like drowning at the bottom of the sea.

And all of this is okay. It’s a part of life. People come and people go. Some friendships and relationships last a lifetime. Some fail to keep up and hence, aren’t worth holding on to.

So let go. If they don’t make you happy anymore, let them go.

Tired.

I know what it is like to be tired – and not just in a physical sense.

This wearing, thankless world can be an exhausting place to live in. You get tired from loving too much, caring too much, giving too much and then not getting anything in return. You’re tired of the blurred outcomes, the uncertainties. You’re tired of the grey area.

There was a time when you weren’t this worn out. There was a time when you were hopeful and pure. When your optimism outweighed your cynicism and you were ready to give everything you had. And then you were chipped away and tattered piece by piece – a broken heart here, an un-kept promise there. The world hasn’t been kind to you and you have lost more than you have won. You are trying to find that hope in you to try all over again.

Truth is, we are all tired. Each one of us. There comes a time when we are nothing but a mass of broken heart and aching soul, desperately looking for fulfillment. We want more but we’re scared to ask for it. We’re scared to try again. Because we are afraid to see  everything come crashing down. Again. After all, we’re not sure how many times will we be able to start all over.

We all think we are alone in our exhaustion. But the truth is we are afraid to trust each other, to talk, to believe that we will not make a fool of ourselves again. So we let our guards go up. We build walls. We take up roles we once loathed, because we’re not sure what choice we have left.

In times like these, go slowly and quietly. Simply because it is a better choice than stopping and giving up.

Airport Shenanigans

Airports are one of the best places to be entertained. With all the hustle bustle, it’s tough to not be amazed.

I am not really a fan of flying or of airports. Strange as it may sound, I am quiet scared of airports for reasons unknown to me. However, since I live in a different country than my parents, flying happens more often than I’d like. I have flown a couple of times now and there are certain kinds of people I always see at the airport.

Type 1: The Super Models

If you are a fan of sleeping then there is a good chance you will not be a fan of early morning/late night flights. Performing the basic activities like immigration and security seems like a challenge when your mind is on snooze. At times like these the people that surprise me the most are the ones who are dressed like earth is their ramp and life is a fashion show. My lose pants, and sorry t-shirt feel uncomfortable in front of their well-cut denims and fancy jackets. My dark circles are in always in awe of their well contoured face. It’s a struggle. 

Type 2: The Duty-Free Shoppers
I’m guilty! The only reason I’m always early (apart from travel anxiety) is to ensure that I have enough time to check every single store at the duty free. Shopping at the duty free is a custom for us. We do not board a flight without the duty free bag. Be it chocolates, or an entire MAC make-up kit – we respect and follow the tradition.

Type 3: The Brand Conscious

They are people who wear sunglasses that has bands shouting ‘DIOR’ inside the airport. Their iPhones are covered in shiny diamond cases and their bags are more often than not Louis Vuitton. They exude pretentiousness and my most favourite source of entertainment.

Not The End…Not Yet

After a lot of whining, crying, obsessing and denial, I’ve always got what I wanted. Always. The college, the university, the job, the city, the house, the view from the house, the roommates…every small thing. However, as human tendency is, I’m never satisfied. And I don’t think I should be. I think the hunger to want more and want better is what keeps me going.

I’m an anxious person and mostly impatient so the road to achieving the next goal is never easy. Which is how I know that I’m headed to something bigger – something better. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am not grateful. I’m grateful for where my life is at the moment. However, do I think it can be better? Yes, absolutely. Therefore, until I feel like I’ve gone a step further I will always be worried and tensed. It’s probably the stage I will always be in. Maybe I am stuck in a rut. Or maybe this is how I hustle.

Gary Vaynerchuck in one of his episodes said, “When you have the big picture – the long term goal in your mind, something interesting happens. You stop stressing on small stuff. Being 85% effective in your short term moves and being 110% focused on your long term goal makes you move faster and reach that goal faster.”

I resonate a lot with that sentiment – keep your focus on the big picture but do not lose sight of the present activities. After all achieving small goals makes it easier to achieve bigger ones. Therefore, for this week, I have 2 goals:

  • No cheat meal until next Saturday and exercise at least 4 days a week.
  • Finish reading ‘Re-Awaken The Giant Within – Anthony Robins’.

Simple goals. Small actions and a lot of determination. Just like Anthony Robins says, “raise your standards.”

That’s going to be goal for this week. Raise my standards and prove to myself that all I really have to do is want to do something. And then do it.